I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
