i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
