If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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