His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
