Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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