Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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