I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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