4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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