Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
