just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My liver just broke up with me...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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