Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
