yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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