I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
