My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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