I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
