i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
