she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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