Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
