he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
