last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
