before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
