I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
