U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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