I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
