woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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