there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
