Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
