me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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