I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
