we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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