theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
