just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
