You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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