y did u give ur computer a hand job?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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