I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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