Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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