if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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