I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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