I CAN MOONWALK!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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