You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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