and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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