Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
