Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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