So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i will never coherently bang her
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize