FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
