i need an iv and a liver transplant
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
