I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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