I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
