Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
