Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
