So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
