OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have surprise drugs for everyone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
