So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
