I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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