So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
