Non-Jews are for practice
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
