I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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