honey bunches of taint.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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