she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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