i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How does one acquire holy water?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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