i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
