Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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