i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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